If you ever feel stupid, then just read
on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must
be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language
we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure,
English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so
hard to learn:
1.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
2.
The farm was used to produce produce.
3.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7.
Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time to present the present.
8.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10.
I did not object to the object.
11.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13.
They were too close to the door to close it.
14.
The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.
17.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20.
I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.
21.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?
Also...
There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham
in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in
England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
a pig.
And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why
isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is
it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your house can burn up as it
burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human
race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they
are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with
"quick"?