New Windshield Wipers

I was driving down a lonely northern road one cold winter day when it began to snow pretty heavily.  My windows were getting icy, and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.

Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea.  I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattlesnakes.  I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades, and they worked just fine.  Of course, that's because they were wind-chilled vipers.